Over the last two months I have fallen, let me rephrase that, face planted off the wagon. I have been an avid, daily gym go-er for the last six years of my life. It was a part of my daily routine; wake up, workout, shower, eat breakfast, go to my job. I never missed the gym and I truly enjoyed going in everyday to push myself and workout. However, life has taken a very different turn for me and my workouts are now non-existent. I share this with you because I want you to know where I’ve been, why I haven’t shared any workout posts or videos, but more importantly to let you know it happens to all of us. I am not the first or last person to fall of the fitness wagon, but I am not beating myself up about it and you shouldn’t either. We all have our reasons…
Back in the end of October I stopped working at a company I had been with for the last five years or so of my life. I moved into a new role at another company, in another industry and in a much different location. Starting a new job takes time to get used to, as well as a new schedule. I commute much farther than I used to and I get home later than I used to. I am in my car for at minimum an hour each way and as you can imagine that can be quite draining both physically and mentally. By the time I get home its almost 730/8pm on busy days – I get home, maybe make dinner (most of the time lately I order take out) and want to spend at least some quality time with my husband and dog. Soon enough it’s time for bed and I’m exhausted. I look back and ask myself “where has my day gone?”. I wake up earlier to commute longer, my morning workouts have been neglected because of my need for sleep. It’s a story I am sure you all know very well and unfortunately it’s been a perpetual drift from the thing I love so much; the gym.
It is now almost Christmas time and I have stepped in the gym ONE TIME since end of October. Once. I honestly can’t believe it has been this long and it truly makes me sad. A lot of the gains I made in muscle over the last few years are fading and I’ve lost weight. My years of working to put on a few pounds of muscle are getting taken away from so much stress, less time to eat, less ability to meal prep, missing meals and just being run down. I wonder sometimes how will I ever get back to the place I loved so much and enjoyed every day. When you stop being able to go work out, it gets to be a habit that you keep missing it. On the weekend I have no time, weekdays no time so eventually one workout a week (even if I can find time for just one) feels pointless. Insert the saddest possible emoji here…
By the time my weekend comes I’m bogged down with freelance work or I just want to spend time with family and my husband. I rarely even get time to see my friends anymore because my workday ends so late that getting to them wouldn’t be until nearly the time they all have to put their children to bed, and it’s just a very unhappy feeling to battle with all the things you used to have time for and now don’t because of life and work and commitments. It does make you ask yourself, “What is more important, a successful career with no time for the things you love, or taking a long, hard look at your amount of time spent on your career vs. your life.” If my mom were still alive she would have already answered this for me. My mom was the hardest working woman I know; juggling a day job and night job just to make ends meet, but somehow she never missed a practice, game, recital, concert, play, parent conference, etc. If she could manage it all I know I can too. Sadly as most or some of you know, I lost my mom to terminal cancer in March of 2015 so these are the moments I wish I could pick up the phone to call for advice from her.
So I admit, I’ve fallen off the wagon. I have not gained weight like I was scared of (as someone who has battled body image issues since college this is a very scary notion – you fear that if you don’t workout you will just blow up), but I have lost muscle (muscle I worked so hard to achieve) and I have lost weight (and I don’t want to, ironically). My stress and lack of time has me eating whatever I can whenever I have time for it. Thankfully I still maintain a pretty clean diet, so there’s that, but overall I’ve got to find a way to get back to where I was a few months ago. Not only for my sanity but for my health.
Another big part of why I have not posted as often is I battled myself with a very bad stomach virus which put me out for about a week. We also were in the process of trying to buy a home that fell through and in the middle of that my husband received some very bad news about his health as well, so right now my focus has been on being there for him and taking care of what we have coming up that we have to face together to get him well. I will share that at a later date if he is comfortable with me sharing; it’s his story not mine. Needless to say it’s so important to be an advocate for your own health and when you feel something is not right – go get checked and ask to have tests done.
So for those of you out there who have fallen off, lost motivation, have no time – I hear you. I understand. I am going to find a way to get back to my routine if it kills me (well not KILLS me, but you know what I mean). I will find a way slowly to get my workouts back in. If you can’t find the time to work out I suggest at least making sure you are eating right. Get up from your desk and take a walk, take the stairs, do some push ups when you get home – anything to keep you mentally “on board” and remind yourself you’ll be back in no time. Don’t let anyone tell you it’s because your lazy or unmotivated, sometimes we just have other priorities – but don’t let that happen too long. I know I won’t and I’ll be back soon, I promise!
Life is busy, crazy, hectic, chaotic – I know, I’m living it right now. The best advice I can give you is don’t beat yourself up. Don’t let others around you do it either. Just make sure to set some small goals and stick to them as best as you can. Do what you can when you can, that’s all you can do. The reason I created my blog/site is to be a judgement free zone, so I am making it very clear by putting it out there myself – no one is perfect. WE are all human and have our hang ups and slip ups and mishaps.
I just wanted to share this all with you so you know I am not ignoring you or not sharing because I don’t want to, I just haven’t filmed any workouts or done them in a month and a half but I do miss it and will have them soon – I even bought a new vlog camera to make sure that I do <3
Thank you for always being my rocks out there and support. I hope I can be the same for all of you.